nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
