How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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