he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
