Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
