He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
