Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
