I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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