We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
