Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
