the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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