terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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