Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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