you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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