I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
