WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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