i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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