girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
