My first STD was from a foam party
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
