There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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