Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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