She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
