Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
