Even the bartender felt bad for me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
