OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
