brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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