Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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