I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
