North Korea, Best Korea!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
