My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
