you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
