Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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