i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
