I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
