THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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