Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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