so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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