we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
