I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
