I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
