So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
