it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize