Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry my hands just texted you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
