How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
