Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
