I'm jealous of your bromance
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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