I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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