So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
