is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
