cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
