listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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