You can't motorboat a personality
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
