maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
