I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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