I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
