he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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