Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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