I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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