Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want a musical about memes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
