i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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