just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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