I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
