i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
