Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
