wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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