i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
