singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
